My Nirvana!!!

Breaking Stereotypes

2010-07-06T11:07:00.003+05:30

So M! has tagged me again to shake me out of my laziness! :-) And I am happy to take up this tag.

This one is about lisitng your sins agasint gender sereotypes.

This tag requires you to list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done that your gender is not supposed to.

Now, this one’s difficult! I am a good girl and I don’t like to sin. It’s the wrong shape and size of mind that does it… not my waistline, mind you… that finds it difficult to fit into this stereotypical mould created for a woman.

Here’s my list of sins:

1. I do not flutter my eyes and charm guys.

2. I am not high on gossip. I prefer facts!

3. I CAN and DO find other women pretty, atractive, or HOT!

4. I wear clothes for comfort. Fashion is second.

5. I find decking up myself in front of the mirror for hours very cheap.

6. I do not wear rings, ear rings, trinkets etc etc. Less is more.

7. I am not shy. I blabber when I have to make a point.

8. I am more than my clothes, my shoes, my hand bags, and my non-existant make up.

9. I do NOT find every second guy good looking or attractive. Most are infact duh!

10. I am really more about ‘me’ and less about my gender.

You are all tagged. Go, BREAK THE RULES!!!

Where are you? Where am I?

2010-05-28T16:48:00.007+05:30

From where I sit, the sun looks lovely, offering me my only dose of requisite peace. Boredom has caught on to me real tight. And interesting is walking a different alley. The world is sepia, my word for drab.

My fingers have swollen with fat, losing the rhythm with their divinity. And my mind, a lazy slave!

The hope in my heart vacillates. There are memories of dancing in the music. There are colors. There is pure joy. There are the diminishing lights. There is the drab sky.

Why don’t you tell me where are you? And where am I?

2009-10-01T22:35:00.009+05:30

Dear G,

Thanks for being kind, forgiving and absorbing my bad.

With lots of gratitude and admiration,

Me.

Happy Tag:-)

2009-08-04T14:09:00.006+05:30

Thanks M! for tagging. Here I am!:-)

1. What is your current obsession?
Jehovah :-)

2. What is your weirdest obsession?
Going out:ppp

3. What are you wearing today?
Happiness

4. What’s for dinner?
Chinese at Moet’s or Lebanese at Shalom, a great conversation with a dear friend and loads of smiles.

5. What’s the last thing you bought?
Rakhis

6. What are you listening to right now?
Yeh Mera Diwanapan from Namesake and a heart beat.

7. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Creative, funny, honest, very kind! And with lots of panache and a mind-blowing attitude… :-)

8. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Paris or New York. Or in the mountains.

9. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Cottons, lots of light-colored tees, flip-flops:-), soft pyjamas, and fresh fragrances.

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
In my Tai chi class.

11. Which language do you want to learn?
Of happiness and love. Haha!
Nah, some French maybe.

12. What’s your favorite quote?

13. Who do you want to meet right now?
God and his angels.

14. What is your favorite color?
Pink, blue, purple and Black.

15. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
My black batik skirt with a pink ribbon.

16. What is your dream job?
Hotelier

17. What’s your favorite magazine?
First City

18. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
A Spa

19. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Very-low necklines revealing bizarre tattoos on women’s chests.

20. Who are your style icons?
I like Kate Winslet’s personal style and Nicole Kidman’s charms. Monica Bellucci was a stunner in matrix. Manisha and Kareena in non-glamorous roles like Bombay, dil se and Ashoka. I admire Kangana Ranaut for the way she carries her hair. Priyanka Gandhi is chic with her cotton saris.

21. Describe your personal style.
Free-flowing, straight from the heart!

22. What are you going to do after this?
Look at my eyes in the mirror.

23. What are your favorite movies?
I loooovvvveeee chick-flicks, romantic comedies. Notting Hill, My best friend’s wedding…
Man, I am a waste:-))))

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?
Can live without all of these. But I like Clinique’s Happy in Bloom, Davidoff’s cool water and a lip balm.

25. What inspires you?
Dreams and love.

26. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
Good and comfortable shoes/heels.
A head wash and a nice fragrance.
Being Me! And wearing clothes that merge with me (mostly black).

27. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Cry and crib:-). Go out for my last-minute shopping. Buy something bizarre and then cry some more. Eventually, become comfortable and carry it with all the panache I can :ppp

28. Coffee or tea?
Both.

29. Dreams or reality?
Dreams into reality:-)

The rules: Respond and rework – answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other people.

Tagging G, Ish, and Shabina.

2009-07-21T16:50:00.001+05:30

I am amiss these days. I do not view myself completely. Few times, I glimpse reflections of me in other people. It’s in their words, acts and gestures or in the absence of these in them. I find myself disappointed.

A Different Loop...

2009-02-20T17:28:00.008+05:30

Is where I am these days.

State of mind: Ambivalent

Tagged again:-)

2008-11-23T14:49:00.010+05:30

Dear M!,

Thanks for tagging me and for so much more:-)))
Here are my answers...

I am: many!

I think: there is so much beauty in the world, sometimes I cannot take it in!

I know: myself like no one else does.

I want: much, again.

I have: some of the most beautiful people in my life, their kindness and thoughtfulmness reinforces my belief in life and in God.

I wish: for the moon… :( and so much more lately.

I hate: much in me. The rest don’t matter!

I miss: some things very very much!

I fear: to see the ones I love in pain. It’s killing.

I hear: more than is being said. Less than what is being spoken.

I smell: lovely. Thanks G, for the new fragrance:-) It's going to be with me for a while.

I crave: for the simple and the minimalist.

I search: all around. I am not sure if I will ever find it.

I wonder: about people and life all the damn time.

I regret: lots!

I love: easily.

I ache: the most in my heart!

I was not: born only to live by the norms. I have a mind that I can exercise.

I am not: fond of chinese anymore.

I cry: when inside is up to the brim already.

I believe: that everything dies and renews to another shape, another form, and in another time. That love and compassion is the greatest of all. I believe in The Big Bang Theory, that we all came from one source and we are all moving apart. That nothing is forever. I believe in Karma and in God.

I dance: to immerse in music, merge with my surroundings and then be one with everyone and everything. I dance to intoxicate my senses.

I sing: not even when I am alone.

I read to: Get wings. To transcend to another time, another world, another life. To get props for a new act. To tease my senses, soothe and tickle them and learn of new sensations.

I don't always: remain the same. I am in or I am out. I am high or I am low. I am up or I am down.

I fight: and I feel guilty.

I write: to let out and let go, to reconnect, to understand and reassure. Sometimes, I simply scribble.

I win: Nah, I lose… always!

I lose: myself in parts and sometimes completely.

I never: say forever, anymore.

I always: wear my hair wherever I go.

I confuse: myself the most.

I listen: poorly. I interrupt instead.

I can usually be found: in my shell or when I am out, wandering.

I am scared of: people and ghosts, life and death, attachment and then detachment.

I need: love all the damn time!

I am happy: when I see lights. Like on a busy road in the night and I am out there in the open, watching cars zoom by, their lights flashing on me. When I am in love or I am loved! When I travel to meet places, understand their history, befriend their people and start a relationship for a lifetime. When who I am doesn’t matter and the one who I am with doesn’t frikking care, when the surroundings act as a beautiful backdrop and everything else is perfectly facilitating our existence in that moment and when the world begins to feel as one.

I imagine: myself in long hair and maroon robes.

I Tag: G, where ever you are.

Epiphany

2008-11-11T17:55:00.002+05:30

Dear G,

I dont know why but I need to tell you this that I do have faith in you.

Love,
Me.

Butterfly

2008-10-06T19:40:00.008+05:30

Sketched this at work today. Am adding this lil juvenile-sort of a poem titled 'Butterfly' that I wrote more than 3 years ago.

Here it goes:

She’s raw,
She's so true

She’ll wriggle,
Out of her cocoon

She’ll grow her wings,
She’ll be beautiful

She’ll flap her wings,
And break through.

This sketch and the poem take me back in time and I am reminded of all the numerous experiences that stirred me up enough to create a certain kind of chaos that eventually led/is leading to a spill-out of much that was/has been in excess and gave/is giving way for some new.

The journey forward feels beautiful now! Cause am also begining to adopt and love the new:-)

Keep smiling, keep shining...

2008-08-12T13:55:00.021+05:30

Dear Sandy,

Thanks for writing this lil poem to pep me up.
You sure are a poet, my friend:-)))) and a funny one at that!

Dont dwell in the past,
It just wasnt meant to last!

Ur a great girl
even though
sometimes life is a bit of a twirl!

I wanna see u like u were
- like u used to be,
with tht sparkle and shine in ur eye
and to see u spread ur wings n fly.

Thankyewwwwwwwww!!!
You know, you beat me with all your affection, love and care:-)))) for all of us.

Love always,
A crazy 'Me'

Threshold of moksha!

2008-07-10T17:54:00.006+05:30

So am told this is my last birth.

And thereafter, I shall vanish forever.

Hmm... So with this url, dint you just know it all!

Slivers

2008-06-30T18:15:00.008+05:30

Ber Sarai Red Light

I am not certain if I enjoy crossing it every day. There is this bunch of young girls holding small kids in their laps, latching on to each car that halts and showering the drivers with compliments while begging for some money. Ameena would exchange a few words with me when ever the traffic light would permit. I liked her. She had these deep-borwn piercing eyes and a fiery smile. I wanted to capture it! I went looking for her the other day and the younger girls told me “Shaadi ho gayi uski!” I so hope that is true an she hasn’t been sold off.

Is flesh more beautiful than the soul???

NAB

I was visitng NAB for the first time and could not find my way. I called up S, the guy I was supposed to meet. He sounded vague! He just could not explain. He even asked two more people for the directions and even that did not help. Any way, I decided to help myself and reached NAB just in time. The receptionist was blind. Nevertheless, she gave me directions to reach S who was to help me with the recordings. He gave me a broad smile and said ‘hi!’ and apologized for his inability to help me with the directions.

The blind know their destination in their heart and use their instincts to reach there!
Sad, I still don’t where I am going most times.

8th floor, Gurgaon

We always hit it off very well with each other! I like S and B immensely.

I don’t believe in soul connections and the sort but we connected beautifully that day at a level which always made me feel secure. Still does! We opened up our lives and shared some of our recent experiences. S looked lovely and inspiring as she went on to explain the powers we hold within. The atmosphere got so charged! I got goose bumps. She explained about the art of living and how god designs these hurdles for us. We suffer to grow. And sometimes God answers our prayers. There are miracles! They happen! S had twins. She recently lost one of them.

Ram mandir

I cannot bear the site of looking at those gates anymore. It pains me. And I feel scared to even peep at the depth of sorrow in you.

I just want you to know I love you… very much.

VV

I remember writing that little poem for M and putting it in a frame. It was just a simple activity to please her and nothing more. Yes, sisters are god’s most precious gift! This I know because I miss M like crazy!

To be continued...

Strange Enchantments...

2008-05-22T10:47:00.013+05:30

Strange enchanment lies in the moonlight,
Strange enchanment lies in your eyes.

When the moon has gone,
It will be dawn.

We will go on living apart,
And I will go on thinking about you,
With a strange enchanment in my heart.

Thanks V! for writing this poem on the book you gave me that beautiful moonlit night:-) And ditto!

*I really dont remember you giving me this sweet poem some 14 years ago.
But I do and will always appreciate all the love.*

Tagged from A - Z

2008-04-25T10:13:00.004+05:30

Thanks for tagging me, M! :-)
Here are my answers.

A -Available?
No, I am busy!

B-Best friend:
Sheena

C-Cake or Pie?
Chocolate truffle cake

D-Drink of choice:
Water with loads of ice, Hot chocolate, Ginnger Fizz

E-Essential things used everyday:
Glasses and my car

F-Favourite colour:
Black and deep red

G-Gummi bears or worms:
Neither

H-Hometown:
I still love...

I-Indulgence:
Just got done with one. On a break now.

J-January or February:
Both

K-Kids and names:
You have to like all of them eventually.

L-Life:
Is full of unnecessary games. And they scare me no more.

M-Marriage date:
Am still on the calculator.

N-Number of siblings:
2

O-Oranges or apples:
Neither

P-Phobias:
Lizards, underwater, prolonged solitude

Q-Quote:
They are all situational and hence, mostly meaningless!

R-Reason to smile:
Give me one?

S-Season:
Winter and rains

T-Tag three people:
Nazu, Gopal and I

U-Unknown fact(s) about me:
I thought I was done. I may have a re-think.

V-Vegetable you do not like:
Tomatoes.

W-Worst habit:
Is on a big list that I seem to have kept somewhere and forgotten.

X-x-rays you have had:
No, I spared them!

Y-Your favorite food:
None at the moment.

Z-Zodiac:
Scorpio

Both Sides Now

2008-04-03T15:00:00.003+05:30

Katty sent this song today saying that listening to it reminded him of me. (Dunno why and how! Crazy, he is, and such a sweetheart!)

Thanks much Katty!
I cant clearly express how I feel. But I am sure I want to keep it with me forever.
So, here I blog it!

Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

2008-03-13T12:07:00.000+05:30

I think I have a problem.
I am deeply attracted to people in pain.

2008-03-06T16:43:00.003+05:30

Is this the end...

Wish you smiles all through 2008:-)

2008-01-08T16:21:00.001+05:30

2007 is gone. It was exactly as my forecast on Cainer described it:

Comet McNaught may this year, live right up to its name and bring you plenty of nothing. Much, at the end of the year, may remain as it was at the beginning - in the physical sense. In between the two times, though, you look set to be taken on one heck of a journey during which major attitudes alter for evermore.

I am glad I lived through 2007. Yes, my status quo is the same. Nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing! It was not one of those drastic years where everything goes topsy-turvy and you are lost amidst too much. It was also not one of those years where things hit you with a bang and you are open to some crazy realizations that challenge your beliefs. It was not about surviving a life altering experience but settling in to a somewhat altered domain that was thrust on to you from somewhere, somehow. It was about realizing the spaces, wondering about their vastness, filling them up in a mad rush, and then abhorring it all. It was about moving away, only to socialize with the self. It was about re-examining the filled-up spaces, realizing the sin of indulging in excess and depriving others in need. It was about a sudden mad desire to wipe off everything so that it could be filled up with beauty. It was all about filling up the bottle and then emptying it!

I feel nice about starting a new year. I have a few resolutions. I am working on them:-)

I wish everyone a grand 2008. If you are looking for any kind of change, I feel you can achieve it!

Love,

Me:-)

Limbo...

2007-11-02T18:16:00.000+05:30

There have been no new experiences, no indulgence in interesting activities, nothing to talk about really. I have learnt nothing new. I did read a book and a statement in it captured all my attention.
‘Will is Force’

Force reminds me of Newton, always!

According to his first law of motion:
Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

Hell, I need a will to change. And I don’t get it!

Mom on her wedding day!

2007-09-18T13:59:00.000+05:30

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
in life after life, in age after age forever.
~Rabindranath Tagore~

Tag – Few random facts and crazy habits

2007-07-05T18:00:00.000+05:30

M! Tagged with me the comment, Iris – I love reading her answers and just so that I can see a new post up on her blog. Awwww… now when someone tags you with such sweet comments, you cannot sit back and continue to be a louse. So, here...

Tag Rules
1) Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2) People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3) At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and
4) If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will have to acknowledge Quicksilver as the Queen of the Universe (*I already did, and now it's your turn guys*)

**************************************************************************************************************************** 1) Black - That’s my colour. You will mostly find me dressed in black tees. If I wear anything drastically different, I feel like an alien walking around. White and red come next. My wardrobe is mostly limited to these three colours.

2) You will never see my nails painted. They can’t breathe with paint on!

3) I get obsessed with things (Thank God! Not people :-), especially with things to eat and do. I indulge like crazy. Once, I’ve had enough, I don’t look back.

4) I like to keep my arms covered. You will spot me in full sleeves, always. I feel more feminine. (Dunno, if that works as an excuse:p)

5) I like symmetry. Distorted shapes/designs/colours disturb me. I can’t sleep on a bed that has either dark-coloured bed sheets or cluttered patterns on them.

6) I have a bit of night-blindness (or so I think:D). So sit in my car in the nights at your own risk:D.

7) Whenever I go shopping, I always have a problem deciding between two things. I just get stuck and make everyone go mad… till I am made to buy both:D

8) I don’t really believe in 'A' soul-mate. But there are some people I meet just once, and I know I like them immensely. I speak to these people with all my heart and I know they understnad me.

Okay now, @tom, Ish, sai, Gopal, Alex, Lemon, DJ and Shalu... you guys need to sit down right away and chalk down this list. You may feel nice after you are done, just like I am right now:-)))))))))) Thanks M!

Tag - Thinking Blogger Award

2007-06-29T17:04:00.000+05:30

Okay, so I agree! High time we had some kind of awards for WE, the poor bloggers who spend endless hours raving and ranting about the never-ending miseries that strike our otherwise frikkin torturous lives.

Yes WE, the bloggers spend unbelievable hours to glorify all our deeds and bring about a holier than thou image when we are only monsters in the making.

And yes, it is also WE, the same set who is blessed with prodigies (and not to forget the ones in the making) who can express their inner beauty with an ease that is as natural as the flow of a river. These are the ones who reflect their revolutionary ideas with electricity that jolts the dormant cells in your brain, who express honest concerns in the nudest of their forms that shames you for ignorance, and who share their child-like innocent thoughts with a beauty that wrenches your heart and pleases your soul.

So, ladies and gentlemen, all this effort and talk is not in vain.
DJ tagged me with the Thinking Blogger Award.
He sure is Kind! And I know you agree:-)

And hell, I am pleased and I feel honored but I am also wondering… Do I ever think? ummm… at all?
I’ll be honest. Oh! I like being honest, you know.

Nothing, absolutely nothing hits my head. It’s blank! Thoughts don’t come easy and yes, I need the jolts that would pain me enough to wipe off the fungus and let me grow.

As luck would have it, I do get blessed occasionally with people who sprinkle their magic and charm on me and I feel renewed. And I want to thank these magicians who touch souls with their gestures, their thoughts and their being.

M! (You top the list and I hope you know that already.And yep, you are the best Queen of the Universe:D:-)
Josh (Let me know when you are in Delhi)
Priya (You know, you do stir up the soul!)
Jyotsana (Your warmth radiates even in your posts)
Ah! yes, Ashwini

Yep, these and many other wonderful people I READ... in this space, do manage to make me THINK (Yep, a big task this one:-) in their own unique ways.

Thanks! I read you and I grow:-)

***********************************************************************************************************
The Thinking Blogger Award rules: This award was started here. You have to award five others whose blog you think deserve this award. Please make sure you pass this list of rules to the blogs you are tagging.
The participation rules:

If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

Please, remember to tag blogs with real merits, i.e. relative content, and above all — blogs that really get you thinking!

The Paragraph Tag

2007-05-21T18:15:00.000+05:30

I've been tagged by Alex and Gopal to publish the 5th paragraph of page 123 of the book I am currently reading. Thank you people and I am sooo sorry for taking ages to post it. Hope I will be forgiven by you!!! :-)

I also tag: M!, Nautilus, Meera, Lemon and DJ. Hope you will enjoy this:-)))))

The rules of this Tag:
1. Name the person (of course with the link) who tagged you.
2. Describe what you are asked to do, in this case publish 5th paragraph of page 123 of the book you are currently reading. (if the page does not have 5th paragraph, take the last paragraph. And if the book doesn’t have page no. 123, take the last page.)
3. Tag five people.

Well, I am not reading anything right now, but I am posting a paragraph each from two books that are currently lying with me right here right now.

This excerpt below is from a book that has been lying on my desk for long now, and is about a man I quite admire...
'Riders on the Storm –John Densmore'
2nd Para, Page 122

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end, it hurts to set you free,
But you’ll never follow me,
The end, of laughter and soft lies,
The end of nights we tried to die.

Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free,
desperately in need, of some stranger's hand,
In a desperate land Morrison at his best, or is that him at his worst???? Dunno...

This other one is an excerpt from a book that I picked up from my hotel room in Jaipur last month, 'The Essential Dalai Lama – His important teachings’.

“Of course, if you believe we have only this present life, then at death everything comes to an end. But if you accept the possibility of future lives, then death is just like changing your clothes. The continuity of the mind goes on. However, as we have no idea what the future holds, it is necessary to engage now in practices that will help us then.”

Dalai Lama, always at his best:-))))))))))))

Tagged!

2007-04-25T11:33:00.000+05:30

Thank you, M! for tagging me:-)))))))))))
I read this tag on your blog and so wanted to take it myself. And here, I oblige:-) happily :-)))))))))))))))

3 things that scare me
1) Ghost movies
* If at all I’m forced for one, all I do is look sheepishly at the screen … cover my eyes each time I know something disastrous is going to appear… and if required, scream aloud:ppppp*
2) LIZARDS
*the very thought, even in my dreams … they scare the hell out of me.*
3) Death

3 people who make me laugh/smile
*Ummm… nobody makes me laugh! Most funny people are just that!
A few people who do manage to make me smile with their great humour…*
1) Sarah Macdonald in Holy Cow
2) M! in most movie-reviews posted on her blog
3) My dad

3 things I love
1) My ‘wild’ hair :-)))))))))))
2) My Nirvana!!!
3) My self

3 things/kinds I hate
*Hate is too strong an emotion for me, just like love. I don’t indulge in either of them often* But then, there are some things that even God cannot defy…*
1) Insensitive people
2) Inflated egos
3) Pseudo spiritualists

3 things I don't understand
1) Lies
2) Lies
3) Lies
*For everything else, there can be a reason:-)))))))*

3 things on my desk
1) A clay bowl I made and then glazed in my pottery class
2) New year cards given to me by kids at Sshristhi
3) A miniature Taj Mahal
*There’s more, but I’d spare you the knowledge:DDD*

3 things I’m doing right now
1) Running my hands through my hair
2) Pursing my lips
3) Thinking hard

3 things I want to do before I die
1) Renounce all the worldly pleasures and move away to the Himalayas and live the life of an ascetic
2) Indulge in all the worldly pleasures super soon :ppppp
3) Make a few short films... someday

Damn, there’s so much I want to do. I want to learn to paint, visit all the historical places the world over, teach kids, run my own flower boutique, visit Brazil, write the story of my life… there’s so much!
But, then there are times, I crave for nothing!

3 things I can do
1) Be content with myself
2) Get very strong vibes from people
3) Colour my drawings

3 things you should listen to
1) Dance of Kali by Prem Joshua
2) You’re Beautiful
*It still stands as one of my favs*
3) Indian Ocean live in a concert

3 things you should never listen to…
1) People who try to make you say a Yes, when you want to say a NO
2) Your evil side
3) Hard Rock

3 things i'd like to learn
1) Conceptualise my thoughts to be put on a canvas
2) Sway to the toughest of beats
3) The truth about life

3 favorite foods
1) Chinese
2) Breakfast at American Diner’s
3) Aaloo Poori

3 beverages I drink regularly
1) Water, all the time
2) Cold Coffee at home
3) Cappuccino at CCD

3 childhood TV shows
1) Chitrahaar
2) Mahabharat and Ramayan
*an essential in my house then*
3) Spider man

3 childhood books
1) Amar Chitra Katha for all the mythologies
2) Noddy and Naughty Amelia Jane by Enid Blyton
3) Nancy Drew *my fav, as a child* and The Three Musketeers

My blog buddies, you are all tagged! It’s a fun thing, these tags. I often go down in a slumber and every time I take one of these, I wake up somewhat to life:-))))
Here’s your chance… go for it:-)

So long…

2007-03-12T15:23:00.001+05:30

It’s so tough for me to say Goodbyes. It’s painful!
It feels horrible to have things that make up your world , go away.
And it hurts to see them hurt.

My car got bashed last night. It's almost died.

Thank you for being SO SO wonderful to me and being with me all these years!

Raindrops keep falling on my head:-)

2007-02-13T19:18:00.000+05:30

Delhi feels nice. It has been raining! And I am in love with those tiny droplets falling straight form the heavens and spreading ripples of love and joy. It’s beautiful! The pitter-patter and the sweet chill that makes you want to snuggle up to someone in your quilt and gaze out at the rain from your window.

The other day at Dilli Haat, I wanted to hold an umbrella and move around in the rain and enjoy the fresh downpour. I wanted to jump into puddles and send water splashing at my friends. I wanted to run around in the fresh breeze and be chased by them for dirtying their clothes. But I was made to stand under a shed like a louse and sip that hot coffee so that I don’t fall sick. How very boring! :(((

I know winters are still on, but what the heck! I love it when it pours:-)))))

Shine on YOU crazy diamond :-)

2007-01-29T18:57:00.000+05:30

Nopes, I am not going to be writing about this track by Pink Floyd:D
Though it does kinda remind me of someone I quite like:ppp. But that could wait for now:D

There are other things to be written about. And here I am with absolutely NO TIME!!! :(

I am SO dying to say, SHINE ON you crazy Diamond:-)
We are back in business and I want you to know, I love you:-)

More later...

My dreams are dead!

2007-01-03T17:51:00.001+05:30

I think I killed them,
Or maybe they died a natural death.
Did they commit suicide?
Perhaps!

I search within,
Not a sight
Nor a word from them.

I am glad they are dead,
Those demons!
Some were beautiful.

Life is a wonderfulcoaster!

2007-01-02T15:50:00.000+05:30

(Wrote this few months ago, but this seems to be the appropriate time to post it. And here it goes... )

I always thought my life was incomplete and something was amiss. I was always searching….searching for a purpose, a reason, perhaps to live, love or die.

I did not know that the real joy lies in holding the reins of your life in your own hands. We just revel in being swayed by the flow of the stream where it takes us and believe that is our destiny.

Not doing anything about our incompleteness and the voids that exist……we turn into these vulnerable beings; anyone can fill the voids with their truth and their lies, with real and illusions of eternal love, bonding and life.

Ignorance vanishes when knowledge arrives.
And when it does…..it takes you by a serious surprise!!!

Well, it’s important to let go, to let loose, to free all that binds you and your soul!

There will be spaces, but you must learn to fill them up quickly. It’s important to be in constant motion. We need to end the cycles that we are done with, to start new beginnings that give us bigger lessons and even greater joys.

Life is an experience and we are set out on a journey......everything that goes by, is a means to an end.

But nah....there is no end....there is just you!!! And you are the end!

And to all you wonderful ends..... I wish you great beginnings, new lessons, happier times and wonderful new joys :-)

God bless:-)

Intoxicate me, anyone?

2006-12-22T16:22:00.000+05:30

We humans are naturally transparent.
We can dive into one another,
And grab hold of every single emotion that dwells in there.
Trust me... we can! We really can!
Or better, why not try it out for yourself. It works!
The challenge comes when we become hell bent on making chameleons of ourselves!
Colors are juggled so often that neither you nor they can remember their true identity.

I change often too.
In fact, I move to and fro.
I revel amidst many a psychedelic flights,
And then when I am bored,
I silently set myself on an inner quest.

And while I am oscillating from one end to the other,
En route I experience enough.
The colors around dazzle and charm me,
And I fall into the trap,
It’s so easy at times…
My vision blurs ,
And many a times I merge with a multitude of colors.
I even try to adorn what I like,
And then I discover the layers,
Some are meant for delusion,
Some are just there!

Break on thru.....

2006-12-08T19:03:00.000+05:30

My Nirvana needs a chotti si break... perhaps to rest and mediate!
In the meanttime, I think I'll keep myself busy with Psychedelic Flights

Reminisce...

2006-11-16T19:18:00.000+05:30

Ummm… I’ve got this constant memory flash thing happening today of the same time last year. I was dressing up in my red lehnga, a beautiful red (my second most loved attire!) for my cousin’s wedding (she and I were real close a long time ago!). Red happens to be my favourite colour, of course black precedes (but I am almost bored with it, my entire wardrobe is black!!). I wore a small black bindi too. I remember I was constantly on the phone and mom was screaming at me like mad, but heck, my mom’s the sweetest person on this whole god damned planet!

I looked nice (for a change:ppp) because I got numerous nodding glances from all kind of relatives and compliments from friends. They aren’t like the most generous people when it comes to appreciating, so maybe….I did look nice after all! The farm was decked up beautifully too, with those tinkling lights dangling on the trees and the walls of the bungalow, almost making me feel (just like every time I was there:-) as if I was amongst a thousand stars. I did not admire this farm too much, but this day was different. The breeze was sweet smelling and I was SO happy. It was magical, wasn’t it?

Btw, next day was also my birthday. A day that keeps me anxious, real anxious! I’ve always managed to feel special somehow, on most of my Bdays. In my childhood days, my dad was fond of celebrating my birthday and would always arrange a grand party and all that jazz. And then later, it became a habit to make these great plans months before the day would arrive. I’ve always know exactly what I’d like my mom-dad to give me and I’d make it a point to get it before my birthday. Somehow, I've always managed to get all my friends together and have a real REAL Blast!

Anyway, that is like history now. One of my best friends (who’s also like, gone real crazy since he’s on his own now and rocking quite a bit as far as his career goes) came over for the wedding. He’s crazy, trust me! A few minutes after 12 and when everyone was done with wishing me and stuff, he forced me to sneak out of the wedding (my first cousin's weding, can you beat that!). He'd got Vodka as a surpise (haha!) and drove me down to Gurgaon. We picked up a few more of our friends and then we all went dancing, and I was of course still in my RED lehnga (I am sure my other friends were embarassed BIG time!). I had a major crush on this guy who played the music in the pub that we went to. I liked him for his wild hair:-) We partied till early morning and before the vidai ceremony was done, I was thankfully back, and was quite sober! Anyway, since it was my Birthday, I was spared for my absence... Haha! Birthdays are a wonderful thing:-))))

Off late, I kinda miss this friend of mine, cause he’s not there to accompany me for all those amazing things we did together like the breakfasts we went for after yakking the entire night, driving together to work and then back home, standing and gossiping in front of his house till sunrise, partying out almost every second day etc etc ……well, he’s a busy guy now! He’s got his career rocking and hence, no time!

This year on my Birthday, I SO want to vanish somewhere… a lot has changed since then! Infact almost everything! I don’t feel the anxiety anymore, I feel nothing. Perhaps I’ve already grown a year older. I don't think I want anything from mom-dad. I don’t want to go out and party. I am okay if some of my friends forget to wish me. I dont care if it's not made special. All I want to do, really REALLY want to do is pray for more love, truth and peace:-)

I am not a poet

2006-11-09T11:55:00.000+05:30

(*Thanks M! for giving this piece a brilliant structure and a decent flow. Here's the edited version* )

I really want to write about dreams, beauty and love
But my head is clogged with memories and thoughts
I am in mourning…
Don’t you know there have been a couple of deaths?

Oh! I wish I was a poet!
I would then dress up my words and use camouflage
Or if only I could be like the Lizard King,
I’d sedate myself and pass out in my bathtub
The record of reality is on full swing
It plays in the background, doing its own thing!
I am with my savior, the maverick king and his kin,
who was made to leave his Garden of Eden, and abandon everything
The princess had met and believed an unfortunate snake
Thankfully, the forbidden fruit she was going to pluck was rotten and stale

Oh yes, did I tell you?
Times have changed and no story remains the same
Characters choose their own part now; Mr. Shakespeare is off the stage
Pretty Fairies are not born anymore; it’s demons that sprout everywhere
Witches, they confuse you with makeup, poor angels have no choice
Cinderellas aren’t invited to balls anymore; the mirrors have learnt to lie
Frogs don’t turn into charming princes, and living happily ever after is a myth

What is it?
Destiny on its full play or karma setting up the stage
My mind is tired and I am losing my words
I told you, I am not a shaman nor a poet
I cannot feign, I cannot create a farce
From realizations, I am leaving on oblivion’s aircraft

http://new.ryze.com/posttopic.php?topicid=773294&confid=1199

Psychedelic

2006-10-09T16:09:00.000+05:30

Life is a band of colours. Sometimes, it’s the red that strikes you with passion! Then there is yellow for the sunshine. And many times, the darkness of black looms over you for longer than you can imagine and desire.

They say, you see only what you want to see…..but that’s ideal, isn’t it?

We are amidst multiple layers and blinded by the amalgamation of the colours in the inner crust, that merge with the ionosphere.

I like writing. Actually, to be honest, right now, I like nothing. But yeah, with a bit of effort, I could push myself to type a few thoughts so that once they take a tangible form, am done with them forever. Have I told you, I am looking for freedom!

I like music too. I went for a violin concert last evening, and I was glad to be transcended away from the chaos of the colours to the pure magic of melody. Thank god, being exhilarated is a different and a unique state.

Isn’t it so futile to want to confine yourself to a set pattern of existence defined by the others? Don’t we then feign ourselves and practise deception in its highest form?

I can’t help but hate this derived feeling of nothingness that envelopes around me and entraps me as its hostage. I have told you, all I need is freedom!

Bonzie, I miss you like crazy!

2006-09-26T15:47:00.000+05:30

I can't see you anymore, but can almost visualise you playing with God, sitting in his lap and then moving out, nudging him to run his hand through your hair, and then sitting right beside him, all content and watching him while he works on our fate.

I don’t know how to explain what it is like to not have you in our lives anymore. It’s a huge HUGE void and we all miss you like hell!

I SO badly want to hug you once more, play with you, tease you, pat you and see you shut those angel eyes as you go off to sleep. I don’t know what angels look like, but you are/were one - the sweetest and the prettiest angel who came into our life bringing numerous beautiful moments full of laughter, happiness and joy. Your eyes were the most beautiful and none of us could ever say no to you, because you always spoke with them. I always felt that you took upon you all our sorrows and sufferings and this realisation is now more painful than ever.

The house is empty without you and your absence is killing. My lil bonsai, I miss your tiptoeing from one room to the other, gazing at each one of us every morning, perhaps to see if we were all doing fine. You radiated so much warmth and added such pure magic to our lives. Suddenly we all feel bare without you, somethign is amiss - you, and life and home looks empty and not nice.

My mind keeps travelling back in time and remembering all the wonderful moments with you. The way you would hide, as a kid, under an almirah and mom would go all crazy looking for you. When we got you home some twelve years ago, you were our star! And we watched your every little move. I remember the first time you climbed a small step, we were all so elated. Whenever you would sneak out of home, we would spend hours looking around for you. And then suddenly you’d appear from somewhere, like God answered our prayers.

You always joined us in all our round-bed conferences, looking like a cuddable cute lil angel. And the way you would pull up our rajais in the winter and leave a warm peck on our faces to wake us up. Every time someone came back home after a long day, it’s you who expressed such euphoric excitement by running from one end to the other and jumping around endlessly. Whenever someone has been sick, you’d sit around for long hours offering such a hell lot of warmth and your support. Many times we have fought over you as each one of us wanted you to snuggle up next to us. Didn’t we all simply love you, our lil angel, doing that!

It was always so hilarious whenever you would chupke se eat all the cakes baked by others and lick away all the crème and when asked for feedback, we would say, Oh! Bonie simply loved them! And mah! You had such attitude! The nakhras that you would show before your plate of food was brought in front of you. You had to be lured to eat by displaying all kind of delicacies in your plate. There’s not a place I remember that you did not come along with us. We could barely imagine going on any trip without you. And now that you are not there, you can’t imagine how much we miss our white lil angel whose love for us was unconditional, whose support was undoubtable and whose compassion – simply unimaginable.

Bonsai, you were loved by ALL…...there's not a soul that was not touched by your charm. And I can’t tell you how much we miss you and will continue to miss you. Right now, its terribly painful…..but I pray to God that you get the best because you deserve just that. Your love for us was always so selfless and when everyone else would go bad, you were always there, just like an angel with those compassionate eyes telling us that its okay…..and it shall all pass. You have no idea what that meant to each one of us.

I hope you receive ten thousand times more love and joy than what you did in this birth. I pray that God blesses you with the most amazing people who can’t stop raving about you and love you as if you were their life. I wish you are showered with an extremely jazzy life that is the most beautiful, super rocking and full of endless joy. I hope God is listening as I wish the BESTEST of the best for my lil bonsai….. You were the purest and the softest soul I know and you don't deserve even an iota less.

You have left us and gone forever, and we will see you no more, but you are and will always be there and alive in our hearts and at home.

Amen!

Eclipse!

2006-09-06T15:14:00.001+05:30

I am told this day is going to stand out in some way.
But I did not know, things are going to turn up THIS way!
Ive already got one surprise (*And I'm not SO shocked, really*).
The next I'll get to see in the evening.

Ill continue this post.......

7th Sep, 2006

Okay, so I pick up my surprise, shed a tear, drive down to a friend’s house, come back home, speak to mom, shut my eyes and I hit the bed. Mom tells me to forget as though it were a nightmare.

I’m flying in an airplane with mom and dad. I can see the plane has wings on either side. I notice that as we are ascending in the sky, the wings are moving strangely. I realize the plane is about to crash. I caution my mom and dad. In a few moments, I begin to see the descending trajectory. The plane crash lands, and as we hit the ground that seems like some shore, we rush out to save ourselves. We are on safe terrain.

We are back home. My memory has a few lapses here and I forget the sequence of events. I think there is some kind of a procession outside home and maybe I am a part of it too. I am not sure.

I go back in time, to where our plane crash-landed. All the people in the crash are here; they all want to save their lives. The crash was a ploy. There is a gigantic man in black clothes; people are offering him all their money and jewellery. There’s a huge pile of gold lying in front of him. Somehow, my dad manages to find an acquaintance and we are spared. The three of us are assigned rooms to stay. We approach the first room. It’s no. 28. It ‘s locked from inside. I knock on the door, no one responds. I bang the door. I wait a few moments. A young tired looking lady opens the door. She has the most exhausted expression and dark circled eyes. I look around her room. Darn! The walls are so close by and it’s so dingy and claustrophobic in there. I take a second look, there’s no way to escape. Perhaps she’s been here for years. I shudder for a bit, I think I may know this woman. She seems numb. I want to run away.

Gosh! What was wrong with me? Why was I being so silly? What made me take so much time?

I open my eyes . I see the moist glass window panes. The sun is up. I am awake!

Come on join the Tag -ride!!!!!!!!

2006-08-11T17:19:00.000+05:30

Well, I have had Lemon and @tom (my good buddies on blogspot) tag me and hence, giving me a good reason and something to write about. Thanks!!!

I know I've not written anything for a long time now. But of course, the real reason was that I’ve been keeping veryyyyyyy busy :pppp ummmm.......watching a whole lot of interesting movies…20 of them, reading some amazing books and meeting some of my old ‘simply-awesome’ friends:-))))))))

So, life’s been pretty neat and here I am with the first of the tag by Lemon!

I am thinking about...
What happened to all those beautiful dreams that I carried with me as a pretty lil child.....
I wonder where they disappeared with time!

I said...
Its soooooooooooooo beautiful! Almost miraculous!
(After I looked at the full moon last to last night!)

I want to...
go dancing with my regular gang…..it’s been a long long time!

I wish...
I could remain as that beautiful lil child forever …….the star of everyone’s eye :-))))

I hear...
God speak to me at times!

I wonder...
if there’s something as soul mates!!!!

I regret...
Some years of my life. They were such a louse!!

& yeah, believing you!

I am...
Quite bohemian at times:-))))))

(Actually most times:pppp)

I dance...
To the rhythm divine!

I sing...
To make others laugh!

I cry...
when I cant hold my tears any longer......

I am not always...
The same! I get bored being me!!!

I make with my hands...
clay vases on the wheel (out of shape mostly),
and a few paintings (surprisingly pretty :-)

I write...
To feel joyous!

I confuse...
Birthdates....always.

I need...
A house to decorate

I tag...
My other blog buddies - Mayuri, Jyotsana, Priyanka, Soul rinsing, Saltwater blues, Khyati, Renee and @tom .

And now, the next tag by @tom!!!

This one requires me to:
• Write six weird facts or habits about myself
• Name six people I will tag next and leave a comment to let them know

So here are my six weird habits or facts.
(Actually I’d think I am pretty normal, but here is some stuff that others have thought as weird!)

1. I cannot wear nail paint. It makes me feel as if my nails can’t breathe! And that
is NOT a nice feeling.
(Hardly weird I guess :ppp)

2. My Hair – My mum thinks they are like that of a sadhu who hasn’t washed his hair
in like a thousand years. But I simply looove them the way they are and would
do nothing to change them :-)

3. I like eating clay!!! I love the smell of wet clay and the wet earth. Its pure
bliss!

4. Ive never really been fascinated by nature, but off late the color red pops out
to my eyes, the trees around my house and on my drive to work are simply
beautiful, I looooove the way the sun looks……….I am totally enchanted by the
way God has desinged the entire world! It’s simply mindblowing!!!!

5. I like Shivji God cause I think he has quite a bohemian lifestyle :-))

6. I've actually started believing in soulmates! I think they exist :-)

And now, Id request all my blog buddies to take up this tag:-)))))))))))))
And enjoy the tag ride:-))))))))))

Of love, lust, moksha and other desires….

2006-06-27T13:58:00.000+05:30

So, I watched Samsara this weekend.
*I may give out the plot, so read at your own risk.*

A beautiful movie directed by Pal Nalin, set in the blissful beauty of Ladakh. It’s a simple story about a Buddhist monk who cannot withhold his attraction for a beautiful woman.

A battle between the body and the soul, the sensual over the spiritual!!!
A fascinating tale that quenches the thirst of a few answers within…….

How can you renounce the desires that you have never known?
Buddha lived a normal life till 29 years.

(And you’ve always wanted to ask that one question above.)

The monk leaves the confines of the monastery to fulfil his desires in the illusionary endless samsara. He goes through an entire circle of life as he experiences the worldly pleasures derived from love, sex, marriage and materialism. But it’s only his lust and greed that increases manifolds. His lustful desires are endless…………and he is forced by them to betray.

Do you satisfy a thousand desires or conquer just one?

(That’s a good enough question with an answer for the time being!)

Confusion and misery creeps in the very soul of his. And he decides to move away from the samsara, back to the eternal. Unlike Buddha, he is faced by his wife who leaves him with a swarm of questions………before she bids him a dignified adieu.

Did anyone ever think of Rahul and his wife, Yashodhara?
Perhaps she wanted to walk the path of enlightenment too….
But she chose to sacrifice it all for the sake of her son.

What would she have told Rahul every time he inquired about his father?

Who knows if she lived an entire life of loneliness and bitterness?
We know she lived as an ascetic…
But who knows if she may have attained her enlightenment too?

(Yeah, these are my question too!!! Isnt a woman always expected to perform a series of sacrifices as a part of her duty! And lo, she does it all so well!!!)

If you love anything with true passion, faith and honesty……..
whatever it maybe……….moksha can be yours in this very lifetime!!!
Else even a series of lifetimes would not prove enough...

(How true!!! If love isn’t pure, it's not worth pursuing anyway!!!)

Morphing thru time.....

2006-05-24T12:28:00.000+05:30

No updates, random or otherwise.....
Nothing to cheer about,
No reason to celebrate
Nor the will to put you down.

No questions,
No doubts.
No why did you,
followed by your lies.

No memories…..
No tears, no smiles.
I am simply.....
morphing through time!!!

Nothing Else Matters!!!

2006-03-06T14:55:00.000+05:30

Am not the kind who’s gonna keep a check on her emotions, and control the most innocent and simplest of my desires.

I mean, what the heck am I living for????

Yep you hear people talk of right living, right blah blah…. Is there really any of it???? Does anyone around us ever seem to be practicing it…. And if at all, are they happy and leading the lives they want to????? And I am not talking of ethics and values here…. It’s about the very basic expressions and emotions….

I have never understood, Why is it wrong to just say it when you love someone… And why is it such a flaw to rebel for a cause…. I mean, we are all humans for heavens sake….. And we are all here to explore….. Discover…self discover…..

But yeah all said and done….Contrary to my beliefs….. Emotions vanish and numbness prevails Naaaaah….emotions NEVVVVERRRRRRRR help!!!! And Expressions make it worse….

The moment you tell someone you love them, And you reeeeaaaaalllllllllly love them….. They’ve packed their bags and are set on an ego trip….. And you are reduced to this insignificant miniscule of a thing…. Everyone hates you and condemns you anyway, they can’t stand the dare and the mind that speaks you…..

And slowly you detest you for being you…

Every bond hurts,

Memories pain

As you wipe them off forever…

You lock and dump all emotions…

And forgetting them seems better.

Life is confusing at times!!! You don’t know where you hailed from… And where you are heading and All this to and fro… Can throw you off the hook…. You try endlessly to be all in control….And you are this indifferent being… You can’t handle it another time… And you better be on guard…. So what….you are only a bit lifeless!!! But you are at peace…..

Do you know? No matter how hard you try, Someone would come your way, Reconstruct that lost belief…. Throw you off guard… And you are all set to oscillate once again…… And this time your emotions would be wild, Like they are dancing on a trapezium…..As they get that extra push from the invisible springs within….

You would say what you don’t mean to say, Or you’d say everything and anything.....And mean to say… You have nothing to rely on…Your experiences are lost, Your beliefs don’t exist…… No one understands you…. Cause you don’t understand yourself anymore….

Honey, this is life…… And there’s everyone….. And there’s one you!!!! You and they… Get tested and tormented everyday…… The stronger you are…. Harder the blow… Don’t build façades and don’t lock up you…..And dare you even doubt yourself……..you are god’s gift to you….

It’s okay to be crazy sometimes…. And it’s okay to be broken…. Trapeziums can be fun…And oscillations can lead some place new.. Every day is a lesson and ....Silly, every day is a new you :-)))))

Girl Interrupted!!!

2006-02-23T20:43:00.000+05:30

Was I ever crazy?
Maybe.........
Or maybe life is...
Crazy isn't being broken.....
or swallowing a dark secret....
It's you or me amplified!!!

- Sussana Kaysen (Girl interrupted!!!)

The Butterfly Effect!!! (I stole your title....but I needed it)

2006-01-25T14:05:00.000+05:30

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked Sita. She simply smiled. I repeated my question and she started to blurt out something. I was already lost in my own thoughts by then, oblivious to what was happening around me.

It seemed like a while ago when he had entered into my life. Eight months and twenty two days to be precise. I did not want a new entrant who could potentially disturb the harmony that I had created around me. He was different; he did not follow a methodology. He had seen me somewhere and he later revealed that he had felt an instant connection. He simply had to pursue this. I did not know if I could consider myself lucky or just go with the flow. I did not make a choice; I just went with the flow.

We exchanged the stories of our life and indulged in endless discussions. Our discussions varied from our childhood stories, family pressures on our choice of our careers and so on. We also discussed our past relationships and our varied experiences resulting from it. Our conversations moved on from sharing aspects of ourselves as we gradually started to talk about our daily routines. We often had a lot of brick bating sessions on some of our common acquaintances followed by mindless conversations to make the other laugh. It was a perfect friendship.

Can perfection be attained?
I think perfection is an ongoing process and we are always striving for it.
It’s like diabetes. You have to maintain the right levels of sugar in order to be fit.
In fact, perfection has to be maintained once something beautiful has been created. Perfection is a relative concept and it is defined distinctly by the individual mind.

Sadly, the definitions of perfection for both of us varied. We reached a state of equilibrium, but always drifted as we lacked clarity of each others expectations. My extreme emotions of love and hate disturbed us immensely which resulted from my lack of clarity. Yet, we always got back together as if we were tied to each other by an umbilical chord leading to an eternal connection.

Perfection doesn’t last forever. So didn’t our perfect friendship. Were we ever perfect? Is perfection defined by design of one’s destiny? Can we create perfection? According to the Bhagwad Gita, everything we experience is specially designed for us to become better human beings and understand the purpose of our life. Have I understood the purpose of my life and have I become a better human being? Or am I going to be more cynical with each passing day as all the perfection goes down the drain? I don’t know.
Life is a chaos!

Ram entered the class. He threw a chalk at me. I came back to the real world and I looked at Sita who was smiling innocently.

Then my eyes met the butterfly drawn on the board, as Ram went on to explain,

“We think we live in a chaos and perhaps we will never understand the dynamics of it. The truth is that there is no such thing as chance, but patterns we can’t understand. A flapping of a small Butterfly’s wing in the west can cause a tornado in the east. We may spend our entire life wondering what caused it. Chaos has its way; everything and everyone will find their true course.”

IRIS!!!

2006-01-17T19:09:00.000+05:30

Pyre!!!

2005-12-21T02:33:00.000+05:30

(As written more than 14 years ago!!!)
When I was up in the heaven,
I asked God one day,
Give me a Body,
A companion;
To be with me,
My Soul

I came down to this earth,
To love life -
With my Beautiful body
And my Soul

I scarred my body
And slashed it;
Granted I took it for

Then one fine day,
I begged God,
To call me,
To give me death

And when I finally died -
My ugly Body burnt,
And all that was left of me,
Was my Beautiful Soul!!!

A few Random and Volatile Thoughts

2005-10-20T21:43:00.000+05:30

I have been spending a lot of time off late,
wondering why people around me are sometimes so willing
to make others happy,
make them feel loved........

Why do they want others to feel positive, more driven, feel alive and so on......
Is it for themselevs or is it really the others????
What should one do when you are on the recieving end.
Accept it gladly and walk off??? Can you be that selfish???
Or simply reciprocate??? Reciprocate to what???
The goodness!!! Yep, the goodness, I guess.

But you cant just keep reciprocating all the damn time....can you???
You got more gut than that. You can be equally giving.....
So should you walk a few steps further.....
But, where??? With whom???
You dont even know if they want to walk along.

Ive been getting so many random and volatile thoughts all the damn time.........
Perhaps its not worth it.....Or maybe it is!!!

Its like you meet a new person, and he gives you a whole new perspective....
and then you are all so awed by it.
You move on, and you meet another new person,
and there he is with all his interpretations which are almost good enough
to make you have yet another new perspective and trash the old one........

Damn, what do you hold on to!!!
What do you believe???
Is the entire world a bunch of liars.......
Are they all metculously planning each move to make you fall into their trap.....
Is your victim really worth such time and effort......

Am I hallucinating or are they???

Times up....I got to go.

You have a Beau day :-)

Momentary lapse of Reason :-)

2005-08-01T10:20:00.001+05:30

Monkeys of the Mind.....:-) and some even outside.... :))))))
They enchant and sometimes make me go WILDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
:P:P:P:P :P:P

While communicating with a friend :-)

Hey, why cant I stop laughing at what you write....
You got bizzare and erratic thot process like mine...
Yipee.....am I glad someone else is as mad as me ....
Yeah I read....The color and the music...:-)

Pretend to be 8 and youll be a beautiful soul..

Hmmm...You want me to Return to the self
Yeah....the return to innocnence... :-)
Cant pretend to be 8, forgotten what it was like...
Damn, I lost my sense....am I alright???

Practice "Who would cry when you die"

Oh!!! They'll just burn me down to the ashes.....
And tears shed...even they shall dry...

And hey,
I could survive on Vodka and some gin....
Cant they make a cocktail of me...
I could be a monk....my nirvana as the topping...

Grow wings .. use your mind to fly like :Illusions - richard bach / Fly like an eagle - Steve miller band.

Hah!! Richard bach....
Made me fly HIGH like a seagull.....
Aaah!!! Such Illusions....
Wings cropped now :-(
Naaah!!! They were mere delusions....

Age : Guess !! young at heart, younger in the soul and very prankful!!

My heart beats till it beats,
My Soul - an immortal.....
And yeah, years simply keep adding by...
Age....A mere number...
Yeah, we go counting high....

Redo your building

Can ruins ever be redone...
I was contemplating demolition......
Ruins serve no purpose....
And no piece of art am I....

BTW - no more crazy gyan ..lets get down to more Megalivin!!

Inspiration....anytime... :-)
Where is the drive???
Megaliving....Yeah, lets get started....:-)
Living failed.....lets give MEGAliving a try!!!

There are no strangers in this world,
Only friends whom you really haven't met.

Friends??? Or strangers???
Friends - Why do they feel like strangers...
They call me - Xenophobic...
AM I??
Or ARE THEY??
Friends or simply passers by.....

Jack welch - there is more juice in that lime..

My minds lazily Numb....:p
Its only the heart thats thinking...
Poor thing....is sooooo much over working :-)

IRIS
(Not living....yeah, MEGAliving!!!! :p:p:p)
March 2005

Being Dragged!!! ooopppssss Tagged :-)

2005-07-18T13:13:00.000+05:30

(Hey, don't you dare take offense)
I hate taking such quizzes, but sometimes you gotta do such things for friends.
Not that someone is still gonna be pleased.....But hey, What the heck, its just a quiz :-)
And I'm enjoying it.....Thanks Pranav :-p,
Yeah, for Tagging me :-)

TAG 1

bib·li·o·phile
Will take this one sometime later! I can, right??? And Im not acting pricey either????

TAG 2

Three names I go by:

1) Shelly
(Means Style...Oh! but Im hardly sassy!!!)
2) Shells
(This one's used by my friends.....Perhaps it sounds more chic!)
3) ShellyJelly
(This one just rhymes well.....Nothing more to it:-)

Three Screen Names:

1) Iris
(Yeah, the Goddess of rainbow and yep, that thing in the eye too)
2) Seashells
(Nah.....don'tnt sell shells on the seashore...Haha:-)
3) ~Titli~
(I absolutely adore this one....but for those who know me, yeah I know,
am still at the caterpillar stage)

Three things I like about myself:
(Three??? Nah!!!Therere are so many.....Im excused right???)

1) I like peace, and I cant stand Fights....I abhor them!!!
Isn't this a cool Trait???)
2) My Shoulders!!!
I always liked them since childhood....You can call me narcissist for this one!!!
3) My vivid Imagination,
that sometimes breaks all bounds and leaps to the unknown territory.
4) Im extremely sensitive to other's needs.
And I am so very proud of this one.....Not very many people can achieve this :-)
5) I can be WILLLLDDDDD!!!! And love it too!!!

:-)

Three things I don't like about myself:
(Can this one be longer???? Pleaseeeeee)

1) My oversensitivity
2) Believing everyone and anyone
3) Not being able to say NO
4) My fluctuating Moods and the Paranoia
5) Losing my Temper and then screaming at the ones who matter most
6) My inability to accept compliments Gracefully!!!
7) Letting a few important years of my life go sheer waste.
8) Not making the most of what I have.
9) My acne

Three things that scare me:
(Hey, what's this obsession with three???)

1) Death
I read last Night : The Future's uncertain and Death is always near - Am scared!!!
2) That Void increasing each passing day.
3) My recklessness/Fearlessness.....
4) Obsessions
5) Lizards, Ghosts!!! They scare the Hell out of me!!!

Three essentials:

1) My Freedom
2) Few Clothes I can't do without
3) Thoda bahut Money

Three things I like in the opposite sex:

1) They cannot live without us :-p
2) They enjoy pampering us
3) They go weak on the knees when you flash your pretty smile at them :-)

Three things that I want to do badly now:

1) Get a Massage
2) Sleep
3) Finish this Quiz

Three careers I am considering right now:
(Umm......I cant be any one thing!!!! I have to have a bit of everything :-)

A counselor, A Spiritual Healer :-P , His Disciple, A Yoga Instructor, A Psycho Analyst, A Corporate trainer, A Rally Driver, A Theater artist, A Travel Guide, A Florist, A wedding Planner, A social Activist, A Rocker, A Bartender, A priest and A poet, A Pub Owner/restauranteur, A Disc Jockey, A mesmeriser........:-)

Three places I'd love to go on vacation:

1) Mclodganj, Leh
2) Brazil
3) Greece (Yeah P, I wanna go there too :-)

Three kids' names I like (Why?):

1) Poochki
2) Tara
3) Chhoti
I don't know why.....

Three things to do before dying:

1) Walk the road of Excess....
2) Let a few special ones in my Life know,
how much I loved them and that I had my own reasons to walk out.
3) Finally, Give away all that receiveded!!!
Renounce the Worldly....and head for the Himalayas....
and be the Monk I always wanted to be!!!

Who can take this Quiz????

1) Anyone who visits my Blog.
You could consider yourself privileged :-p
2) Anyone who thinks he/she is my friend.
I spent almost 1 hour on this, for a friend......and now I like him for it :-)
3) Anyone who has nothing else to do.
Id say, You IDLE MIND!!! YOU better sit down and DO this right away!!!

PS: THANKSSSSSSS!!!! I was finding myself to be such a waste this weekend!!! But I think, I just pleased two people :-)
I looovvvveeeee this quiz!!!

Who am I???

2005-06-17T13:45:00.000+05:30

Am I anything at all???
Do I even exist???
Or am I a figment of someone’s imagination!!!
Yeah, I got a body.... a tangible proof!!
So, I do....

Damn, what’s my purpose???
Hey, do I have a purpose...
Do YOU have a purpose???
Do you have any idea why you are here???
And hey, what are you doing about it????

And me
Am lost!!!
Am I thinking aloud???
Is this thinking at all....

Am a kid....
Nah....am this mature woman with a head held high....
Hahaha!!! Woman of substance....
Or am I.... oh, this so cynical woman....
Who’s doubting every passer by....
And are they all conspiring against me???

Am a princess...
In a guarded Palace…
Hiding from every eye that gapes at me…
But hell!!! My palace is a façade
And the self erected walls…

Am a free soul,
I dare to choose,
But the consequential actions,
Numb me,
And I am a recluse.

Am the master
Of my destiny,
Yet I fail,
As I bow down each time,
Damn!!! I am a slave of my own mind!!!

20th Feb 2005

More from my cage!!!

2005-06-08T05:32:00.000+05:30

Pic source: Google

Prisoners,
Aren’t we all?
In this world,
Of Illusion and Choice.

Bonded by love,
Seeking endless joy,
Like Hostages,
We sit and cry.

22nd March 2005

Tammanaon Ki Titliyan

2005-06-08T05:15:00.000+05:30

Tammanaon ki Titliyaan,
Aaj subah mere paas bhi aayee,
I was sleeping on my Bed,
They sprinkled me with smiles:-)

When I opened my eyes
I saw a twinkling light,
Each Little titli,
Enjoying an awesome flight,

Hovering over me,
Tickling me,
And giggling with me,
Teasingly they said,

We are tammanaaon ki Titliyaan,
We create magic everywhere we go,
Come catch us, play with us
Else we shall fly!!!!

2nd Feb 2005

PS: Im completely mesmerised by the beauty of Tamanaao ki Titliyaan:-)

(((From my cage)))

2005-06-06T16:44:00.001+05:30

The Joy of Life,
Is to know
We are alive,
As one day,
We shall all die.

I fear to live,
I have to die,
Am I dead?
I cannot cry.

The Purpose of life,
Is to Give,
What we receive,
As we cannot take,
When time to leave.

I fear to give,
I may not receive,
Am I lost?
I simply grieve.

The truth of life,
Is to Love all Beings,
As we are All,
Creations of The Supreme.

I fear to Love,
You may not be Mine,
Am I a Prisoner?
Of my own scheme.

(Straight from my cage)
22 March 2005

Odyssey

2005-06-04T11:13:00.000+05:30

I felt I was in heaven,
Lit entirely by beautiful diyas,
Engrossed in an everlasting conversation,
With a traveler, the avatar of the Divine,
He, who has found his truth,
After wandering endlessly,
Putting an end to his spiritual quest.

His words to me, Oh so polite,
In complete harmony,
And in tandem with the spiritual message,
Touched the chords of heart and mind,
Belonging to my incognizant soul.

His pearls of wisdom,
And the kindness they beheld,
Rekindled in me, a spark of joy,
I was oblivious to the obvious,
But His pure reasons and thoughts,
Enabled me to open my closed eyes,

The Knowledge he bestowed on me,
Of the absolute and the I,
And all that is truly divine,
Awakened the energy in me,
That was slumbering deep inside,
Compelling me to end the inner turmoil, That is rupturing my soul.
Driving me out of my cocoon,
To explore and brighten my flickering light,

The Paradigm shift,
From Ignorance to Knowledge,
He has set me up for a spiritual journey,
An odyssey of the self.

28 March 2005